Haven't posted in a long time...my blogs are becoming less frequent due to my heavy work load at school, but mostly because I haven't really been in the mood to engage in this specific format for some time.
I've been doing a lot of inner work, and most of it is too private to elaborate on here. I'm a pretty free person; I often discuss things online that some might consider best left in my head. Most of the time I would disagree, but in this case, I'll save it for me; it feels too intimate. Long story short, it has been productive inner work, and that's all that matters.
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I don't know...I miss the days of nearly a decade ago, when I designed my own website, and although it wasn't technically extravagant, it was a forum I didn't share with hundreds of millions of other people. There was something exciting about maintaining my own blog (which I called "Commentary," because the term "blog" hadn't even been coined yet). Nowadays, everybody and their grandmother has some sort of web presence (thank you MySpace and Facebook), and well, it just doesn't seem that special, anymore. Don't get me wrong, I'm not suddenly going to ditch all technology, shut down this blog and my personal website and never be heard from again...it's just all the goddamn chatter of people who shouldn't be chattering that's driving me crazy.
Look, it's like this. Plenty of people probably feel my posts are frivolous, self-indulgent, etc., and they're right. But sometimes, I'd like to think that an idea, irritation or experience I share in this public forum might incite, inspire or entertain someone else. My blog is rooted in ego, yes, but the connections I've made with a few wonderful people through my website, blog or hell, even MySpace has been invaluable and not motivated by anything self-serving.
What I don't want to do is post undeserved, vitriolic comments regarding people who have done nothing to me, spread hate, or say hurtful things I might regret later. I just wish everyone who posted something on the Internet felt the same way. Sharing one's innermost thoughts, even if dark, can be useful, for both the writer and reader. What's not productive is mean-spirited, sexist/racist/intolerant/cruel bullshit I see dominating public forums today.
People might also argue that some of what I've posted has been mean-spirited or judgmental. Judgmental--absolutely. But if I do say things that seem mean-spirited, you must understand they are tongue-in-cheek and are said to drive a larger point or message home. And sure, they serve as venting measures, too...but they're not slanderous, which is wrong and hateful.
As an example of what I mean:
When the reptilians come to take over in 2012 and start reviewing what knee-jerk, stupid, insipid, jealous crap we post online, I don't blame them for stealing our souls and making us into stew (thanks
Whitley Strieber, for that mental image). We have this wonderful forum that offers us the opportunity to create positive, progressive change, and instead, we corrupt it with stupid, jealousy-inspired tirades, homemade midget porn and cruel and slanderous insults to people like Hillary Clinton--who was attacked mercilessly with inane and false accusations, and Madonna--who is going through an obviously painful and sad divorce. I know that many out there are posting wonderful art; are producing valuable information that is now accessible through a few keystrokes...and for that, I'm grateful. But for the rest of you jerks? Get off the 'Net and find a new hobby. I wish it were one that actually contributes to society, but I'm sure that's a completely unrealistic hope, given society's precedent for stupidity and cruelty.
I know the idiots are here to stay. Here's hoping I can keep my chin up long enough to maintain my voice, as insignificant as it may be--to effect a change in minds, even if on such a minuscule scale as this.
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THINGS I'M REALLY F-ING SICK OF (and there are so many more than this, but here are a few):
Reality anything. It's not real, people. It never was. It has single-handedly destroyed nearly all integrity in television, and has reached out its diseased hands to affect film, documentary, and our worldview in general.
Small-minded fucks, of every stripe. Everywhere I go, there they are. Put 'em in the reptilian stew, I say.
Idiots on my campus who insist on wearing shorts and flip-flops in 30 degree weather. It's their prerogative, I guess, but it just makes them look stupid, not tough--which is their goal, I think. Oh yeah, add to that all the spitting from young men. I'm constantly navigating my rolling bag around disgusting pools of sputum on campus. Really, didn't they gave up spitting for "cleansing" purposes back in the 1700s? Get with the times. Besides, it makes you look like a redneck.
People who meander into my path (or often, into me) because they're staring zombie-like into their cell phone screens reading a text, or are madly typing one out with their thumbs. See Dr. Mike Austin's
blog (and my rambling response) to this. You should read his blog anyway; I may be biased because he's one of my Philosophy instructors and mentor for my senior thesis, but I think he's an insightful person.
The folks who still seem to think that listening to bone-shattering bass in their vehicles is cool. I sometimes think my entire reproductive system is going to fall out onto the ground when these vehicles pass on the street, the vibration is so profound. I do not marvel at the majesty of the experience; I marvel at how the vehicle's occupants escape serious brain damage. Wait, maybe they don't, and that's the point. More for the reptilian stew!
THINGS THAT I NEVER TIRE OF (there's more here too, by the way):
The pleasure my cats bring me--comfort, companionship, humor (yes, kitties do very funny things) and I even love it when they're occasionally pissy. It's usually warranted, as I have have my face in one of theirs, going, "Kitty Bug! Kitty Bug!" or some similar exclamation. There is nothing like an animal to remind you not to sweat the small stuff, and that sometimes, the pleasure of a purr or outstretched paw is all one needs to feel better.
Trips out of town. I just came back from an Honors Conference in San Antonio, and man, it felt damn good to get a change of scenery. It was just enough time to savor, and left me refreshed and ready to return to my obligations.
Old episodes of
The Prisoner. It's a brilliant 1960s BBC TV series starring Patrick McGoohan, my favorite show of all time (just barely edging out
Twin Peaks), and one I re-watch at least every couple of years. The themes continue to be relevant, and it is unlike anything you've ever seen on TV. Thank you to my bro for introducing me to it so long ago. Check it out.
Goofy, simple pleasures, like turning on my lava lamp after a long day for aesthetic and contemplative comfort; the little painted wooden armadillo I bought in San Antonio, whose head bobs when you touch it; the beautiful crimson and gold leaf I picked up on campus at the beginning of fall and put in my car, just because it made me feel good. That sort of stuff. It keeps me fresh, keeps me young.
For someone who has laid off blogging for a while, I've certainly had a lot to say tonight. Well, hey, at least I feel better now...and I only slammed those who deserve it, right? ;)
