Haven't posted in a long time...my blogs are becoming less frequent due to my heavy work load at school, but mostly because I haven't really been in the mood to engage in this specific format for some time.
I've been doing a lot of inner work, and most of it is too private to elaborate on here. I'm a pretty free person; I often discuss things online that some might consider best left in my head. Most of the time I would disagree, but in this case, I'll save it for me; it feels too intimate. Long story short, it has been productive inner work, and that's all that matters.
---
I don't know...I miss the days of nearly a decade ago, when I designed my own website, and although it wasn't technically extravagant, it was a forum I didn't share with hundreds of millions of other people. There was something exciting about maintaining my own blog (which I called "Commentary," because the term "blog" hadn't even been coined yet). Nowadays, everybody and their grandmother has some sort of web presence (thank you MySpace and Facebook), and well, it just doesn't seem that special, anymore. Don't get me wrong, I'm not suddenly going to ditch all technology, shut down this blog and my personal website and never be heard from again...it's just all the goddamn chatter of people who shouldn't be chattering that's driving me crazy.
Look, it's like this. Plenty of people probably feel my posts are frivolous, self-indulgent, etc., and they're right. But sometimes, I'd like to think that an idea, irritation or experience I share in this public forum might incite, inspire or entertain someone else. My blog is rooted in ego, yes, but the connections I've made with a few wonderful people through my website, blog or hell, even MySpace has been invaluable and not motivated by anything self-serving.
What I don't want to do is post undeserved, vitriolic comments regarding people who have done nothing to me, spread hate, or say hurtful things I might regret later. I just wish everyone who posted something on the Internet felt the same way. Sharing one's innermost thoughts, even if dark, can be useful, for both the writer and reader. What's not productive is mean-spirited, sexist/racist/intolerant/cruel bullshit I see dominating public forums today.
People might also argue that some of what I've posted has been mean-spirited or judgmental. Judgmental--absolutely. But if I do say things that seem mean-spirited, you must understand they are tongue-in-cheek and are said to drive a larger point or message home. And sure, they serve as venting measures, too...but they're not slanderous, which is wrong and hateful.
As an example of what I mean:
When the reptilians come to take over in 2012 and start reviewing what knee-jerk, stupid, insipid, jealous crap we post online, I don't blame them for stealing our souls and making us into stew (thanks Whitley Strieber, for that mental image). We have this wonderful forum that offers us the opportunity to create positive, progressive change, and instead, we corrupt it with stupid, jealousy-inspired tirades, homemade midget porn and cruel and slanderous insults to people like Hillary Clinton--who was attacked mercilessly with inane and false accusations, and Madonna--who is going through an obviously painful and sad divorce. I know that many out there are posting wonderful art; are producing valuable information that is now accessible through a few keystrokes...and for that, I'm grateful. But for the rest of you jerks? Get off the 'Net and find a new hobby. I wish it were one that actually contributes to society, but I'm sure that's a completely unrealistic hope, given society's precedent for stupidity and cruelty.
I know the idiots are here to stay. Here's hoping I can keep my chin up long enough to maintain my voice, as insignificant as it may be--to effect a change in minds, even if on such a minuscule scale as this.
---
THINGS I'M REALLY F-ING SICK OF (and there are so many more than this, but here are a few):
Reality anything. It's not real, people. It never was. It has single-handedly destroyed nearly all integrity in television, and has reached out its diseased hands to affect film, documentary, and our worldview in general.
Small-minded fucks, of every stripe. Everywhere I go, there they are. Put 'em in the reptilian stew, I say.
Idiots on my campus who insist on wearing shorts and flip-flops in 30 degree weather. It's their prerogative, I guess, but it just makes them look stupid, not tough--which is their goal, I think. Oh yeah, add to that all the spitting from young men. I'm constantly navigating my rolling bag around disgusting pools of sputum on campus. Really, didn't they gave up spitting for "cleansing" purposes back in the 1700s? Get with the times. Besides, it makes you look like a redneck.
People who meander into my path (or often, into me) because they're staring zombie-like into their cell phone screens reading a text, or are madly typing one out with their thumbs. See Dr. Mike Austin's blog (and my rambling response) to this. You should read his blog anyway; I may be biased because he's one of my Philosophy instructors and mentor for my senior thesis, but I think he's an insightful person.
The folks who still seem to think that listening to bone-shattering bass in their vehicles is cool. I sometimes think my entire reproductive system is going to fall out onto the ground when these vehicles pass on the street, the vibration is so profound. I do not marvel at the majesty of the experience; I marvel at how the vehicle's occupants escape serious brain damage. Wait, maybe they don't, and that's the point. More for the reptilian stew!
THINGS THAT I NEVER TIRE OF (there's more here too, by the way):
The pleasure my cats bring me--comfort, companionship, humor (yes, kitties do very funny things) and I even love it when they're occasionally pissy. It's usually warranted, as I have have my face in one of theirs, going, "Kitty Bug! Kitty Bug!" or some similar exclamation. There is nothing like an animal to remind you not to sweat the small stuff, and that sometimes, the pleasure of a purr or outstretched paw is all one needs to feel better.
Trips out of town. I just came back from an Honors Conference in San Antonio, and man, it felt damn good to get a change of scenery. It was just enough time to savor, and left me refreshed and ready to return to my obligations.
Old episodes of The Prisoner. It's a brilliant 1960s BBC TV series starring Patrick McGoohan, my favorite show of all time (just barely edging out Twin Peaks), and one I re-watch at least every couple of years. The themes continue to be relevant, and it is unlike anything you've ever seen on TV. Thank you to my bro for introducing me to it so long ago. Check it out.
Goofy, simple pleasures, like turning on my lava lamp after a long day for aesthetic and contemplative comfort; the little painted wooden armadillo I bought in San Antonio, whose head bobs when you touch it; the beautiful crimson and gold leaf I picked up on campus at the beginning of fall and put in my car, just because it made me feel good. That sort of stuff. It keeps me fresh, keeps me young.
For someone who has laid off blogging for a while, I've certainly had a lot to say tonight. Well, hey, at least I feel better now...and I only slammed those who deserve it, right? ;)
Showing posts with label the end is nigh. Show all posts
Showing posts with label the end is nigh. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Back to school blues.
Just when I think, "Oh, it's not so bad. You only have two semesters of undergrad left and things have gotten off to a pretty good start. No assholes yet..."
Then, there's Math 105. Math 105, the class I'm PISSED OFF I have to take in the first place, not only because I have math phobia (even fractions make me nervous), not only because I scored something like an 11 on the math section of the ACT and am flying blind, but mostly because it's a 100-level course, and 100-level courses mean...YOU GUESSED IT: Assholes.
My instructor is this tiny little Chinese woman who is really sweet and clearly knows her stuff. However, her accent is so thick it is very hard to understand her. There are two jerk-offs in the back of the class who have talked during lecture before, but today, were out of control. They chattered all through Dr. X's instruction, and one of them was even poking fun of her (she didn't seem to realize this or perhaps she just didn't care) while she was explaining one of the problems on the board. Now, I'll admit, she does say/do funny things from time to time (writing "deceasing" on the board instead of "decreasing" did give me a giggle), but audibly making fun of someone's language barrier is NOT cool. Anyway, these two douche bags wouldn't be quiet, so I spoke up:
"I apologize, Dr. X," I said, turning to them. "Could you guys please be quiet? I can't hear her talk."
The reply from one of them was this:
"Shut up."
I was fucking flabbergasted.
"That's really offensive," I replied. "Could you just respect the instructor, since she's the one teaching this stuff?"
"Why don't you just shut up?" he said again, never fully turning his face toward me, but glowering from the side.
Dr. X turned around and just sort of stared at them.
"I can't believe this, Dr. X," I said to her. "These guys are behaving like they're in junior high," I commented.
"Well, maybe I am," Asshole 1 replied. GREAT response. Very creative. By this point, he had all my attention. Asshole 2 was probably just grinning like an idiot.
"Apparently, you should be," I said, and turned around. I was shaking all through the rest of class.
Dr. X tried to smooth things over, saying something about not talking while she's talking, but if I was her, I would have kicked their asses out of class--not only for for disrespecting me (the instructor), but for being TOTALLY out of line with a fellow student, as well.
Dr. X loves for students to read the problems she provides on her handouts, and although I had planned to say nothing else during the remainder of class time, she stood there and waited so long for someone to offer to read one of the examples, I finally started reading it. Of course, these guys started talking AGAIN while I was speaking, and one of them even went to the trouble to knock his book off his desk, which made a loud clap on the floor. Wow, I haven't encountered this much direct hostility at school since those horrible Lord of the Flies years better known as high school.
I am an ASSHOLE MAGNET. I don't know why this is, but I can go anywhere where two or more are gathered, and almost always, the bully of the group (read: insecure jerk, male or female) will target me. I have no idea why.
Someone at work--to whom I was relaying this story--said, "Well, you're just an outspoken woman, and he couldn't handle that." Perhaps so, but this goes beyond some sort of sexist thing. This is a human decency thing. I called someone out on their rude behavior and instead of being embarrassed and ceasing the behavior, the response was to say "shut up"? This sort of stuff shouldn't happen in college. But then again, neither should audible conversations during movies, obscenities yelled from a car at someone walking down the sidewalk, or a million other rude, inexcusable behaviors I encounter daily--which confirms my belief that decorum is dead, common decency is in the shit can and we're all headed to Hades in a hand cart.
So, let's all gather 'round, punch each other in the face while singing Kumbaya and then "Shut up," 'cause I guess everything else is just a waste of time.
Then, there's Math 105. Math 105, the class I'm PISSED OFF I have to take in the first place, not only because I have math phobia (even fractions make me nervous), not only because I scored something like an 11 on the math section of the ACT and am flying blind, but mostly because it's a 100-level course, and 100-level courses mean...YOU GUESSED IT: Assholes.
My instructor is this tiny little Chinese woman who is really sweet and clearly knows her stuff. However, her accent is so thick it is very hard to understand her. There are two jerk-offs in the back of the class who have talked during lecture before, but today, were out of control. They chattered all through Dr. X's instruction, and one of them was even poking fun of her (she didn't seem to realize this or perhaps she just didn't care) while she was explaining one of the problems on the board. Now, I'll admit, she does say/do funny things from time to time (writing "deceasing" on the board instead of "decreasing" did give me a giggle), but audibly making fun of someone's language barrier is NOT cool. Anyway, these two douche bags wouldn't be quiet, so I spoke up:
"I apologize, Dr. X," I said, turning to them. "Could you guys please be quiet? I can't hear her talk."
The reply from one of them was this:
"Shut up."
I was fucking flabbergasted.
"That's really offensive," I replied. "Could you just respect the instructor, since she's the one teaching this stuff?"
"Why don't you just shut up?" he said again, never fully turning his face toward me, but glowering from the side.
Dr. X turned around and just sort of stared at them.
"I can't believe this, Dr. X," I said to her. "These guys are behaving like they're in junior high," I commented.
"Well, maybe I am," Asshole 1 replied. GREAT response. Very creative. By this point, he had all my attention. Asshole 2 was probably just grinning like an idiot.
"Apparently, you should be," I said, and turned around. I was shaking all through the rest of class.
Dr. X tried to smooth things over, saying something about not talking while she's talking, but if I was her, I would have kicked their asses out of class--not only for for disrespecting me (the instructor), but for being TOTALLY out of line with a fellow student, as well.
Dr. X loves for students to read the problems she provides on her handouts, and although I had planned to say nothing else during the remainder of class time, she stood there and waited so long for someone to offer to read one of the examples, I finally started reading it. Of course, these guys started talking AGAIN while I was speaking, and one of them even went to the trouble to knock his book off his desk, which made a loud clap on the floor. Wow, I haven't encountered this much direct hostility at school since those horrible Lord of the Flies years better known as high school.
I am an ASSHOLE MAGNET. I don't know why this is, but I can go anywhere where two or more are gathered, and almost always, the bully of the group (read: insecure jerk, male or female) will target me. I have no idea why.
Someone at work--to whom I was relaying this story--said, "Well, you're just an outspoken woman, and he couldn't handle that." Perhaps so, but this goes beyond some sort of sexist thing. This is a human decency thing. I called someone out on their rude behavior and instead of being embarrassed and ceasing the behavior, the response was to say "shut up"? This sort of stuff shouldn't happen in college. But then again, neither should audible conversations during movies, obscenities yelled from a car at someone walking down the sidewalk, or a million other rude, inexcusable behaviors I encounter daily--which confirms my belief that decorum is dead, common decency is in the shit can and we're all headed to Hades in a hand cart.
So, let's all gather 'round, punch each other in the face while singing Kumbaya and then "Shut up," 'cause I guess everything else is just a waste of time.
Monday, August 4, 2008
Ghouls.
I just learned of actor Morgan Freeman's car crash in Mississippi, which has left him in serious condition. That is sad enough, but further reading revealed that some lookie-loo tried to take a picture of him with his or her camera phone while Freeman was being loaded into an emergency vehicle.
Apparently, the actor was lucid, and joked, "No freebies, no freebies."
God bless him, his patience and sense of humor. I'm not sure I would have responded in the same fashion.
It's bad enough someone would want an image of Freeman while he's in pain and physically debilitated, but I'm CERTAIN this camera phone asshole's hope was to sell the image to some tabloid.
Fucking ghouls. Where does it end?
Apparently, the actor was lucid, and joked, "No freebies, no freebies."
God bless him, his patience and sense of humor. I'm not sure I would have responded in the same fashion.
It's bad enough someone would want an image of Freeman while he's in pain and physically debilitated, but I'm CERTAIN this camera phone asshole's hope was to sell the image to some tabloid.
Fucking ghouls. Where does it end?
Thursday, July 3, 2008
You have 4 new crushes!
I'm so sick of advertising. I'm sick of being bombarded by bullshit 24/7 on TV, radio, in magazines, the internet...promises of things that some morally bereft executive somewhere decided my demographic will respond to. I've been irritated by this shit for years, but I think I've hit my breaking point.
You can think Paris Hilton or Tila Tequila is amusing, but their asses are nothing but advertising manipulation. Those girls are insecure little bags of flesh who became commodities glommed on by a legion of equally self-hating, cocaine-hungry motherfuckers who couldn't give a shit whether they are contributing to the downfall of humankind.
I'm not easily quantifiable. I don't fit into your demographic. I like mainstream shit. I like obscure shit. I don't think about what makes me cool or not. I don't give a shit if anyone judges me by anything other than who I am, which is a flawed but painfully earnest human being who is just making it up as she goes along.
I'm sick of falseness all the way around. I call bullshit on artifice. Anyone wanna join me in my private hell?
No? Well, fuck you. I refuse to cave to the machine.
You can think Paris Hilton or Tila Tequila is amusing, but their asses are nothing but advertising manipulation. Those girls are insecure little bags of flesh who became commodities glommed on by a legion of equally self-hating, cocaine-hungry motherfuckers who couldn't give a shit whether they are contributing to the downfall of humankind.
I'm not easily quantifiable. I don't fit into your demographic. I like mainstream shit. I like obscure shit. I don't think about what makes me cool or not. I don't give a shit if anyone judges me by anything other than who I am, which is a flawed but painfully earnest human being who is just making it up as she goes along.
I'm sick of falseness all the way around. I call bullshit on artifice. Anyone wanna join me in my private hell?
No? Well, fuck you. I refuse to cave to the machine.
Thursday, December 27, 2007
It’s cold, I’m bored...here are some completely irrelevant pop culture thoughts.
So, in my continued obsession with Eric Bana, I watched Lucky You last night. Not a perfect film by any means, but enjoyable, nonetheless. It actually made poker sort of interesting to me. It could have used some Bana nudity, but oh well.
There were moments when Drew Barrymore was fantastic, but others where she slipped back into the comfy, quirky little girl place she revisits all too often as an actor. More directors like George Clooney need to work with her--he (and Penny Marshall, to an extent) are the only directors to apparently make her feel comfortable enough to get to the fabulous actress that just lives below the surface...I'm referring to Confessions of a Dangerous Mind and Riding in Cars with Boys, respectively. I know it's in there, and I look forward to her breakthrough performance, on the horizon. I've always thought she had it in her.
Anyway, so much for that. Time for a catty tangent:
Two Female Celebrities Whose Popularity Escapes Me:
Fergie--Okay, why are so many women holding her up as some sort of model of beauty? Has anyone not noticed that she looks like a freaking drag queen? I mean, I love drag queens, but um, when they're men approximating (and exaggerating) female standards of beauty. Not when it's a young woman filling her face so full of Botox is looks like it could burst and cultivating eyebrows that remind me of that episode of The Sopranos where A.J. crashed out at a party and his buddies shaved his off and drew on scary arches worthy of Divine. And how old is she, like 29? Jesus, I hate to see what she's going to look like at 40 (not that the world cares about anyone older than 30, anyway...grumble grumble).
I've only heard maybe 1-2 of her songs, and there's not much going on there. Here's my interpretation of her music:
"I'm so fucking hot and I'm so fucking hot and I'm so fucking hot you know you want to hit it."
Okay. Well, a.) Um, no, you're not; and b.) Um, no, I don't.
I'm sure millions of people disagree, but that's my assessment of Ms. Thang.
Sarah Silverman--She's grating, self-congratulatory, has an incredibly unpleasant, whiny, little-girl petulant attitude in interviews, and just because she says fuck and offends every race/religion/whathaveyou on the planet, she's held as some sort of comedy genius? Oh, and I forgot...she's not funny.
Having worked in comedy for a good number of years, I know what people find funny is relative. I respect that. But everyone goes on and on about how brilliant she is--and other than just being crass or sophomoric, I'm don't see that she has a lot else to offer. Oh, but I forgot...she's hot and Jewish. Uh, well, half of Hollywood is Jewish, but that don't mean they're all hot. I appreciate a good looking woman, will admit that she is if she is--but what's her appeal? Somebody explain to me why guys go so kooky for her.
I love to see women treading new ground in comedy--there aren't enough of us out there that have broken through--it's a goddamn boys' club, probably always will be. But I don't know if I want her to be the poster child for us funny girls. She's too in love with herself for me to feel comfortable with that.
And now, back to your regularly scheduled program. I've got to go shave off my eyebrows, inject my face with botulism and practice my poop jokes, all while jiggling in front of the mirror and thinking I'm the man (oops, I mean woman).
There were moments when Drew Barrymore was fantastic, but others where she slipped back into the comfy, quirky little girl place she revisits all too often as an actor. More directors like George Clooney need to work with her--he (and Penny Marshall, to an extent) are the only directors to apparently make her feel comfortable enough to get to the fabulous actress that just lives below the surface...I'm referring to Confessions of a Dangerous Mind and Riding in Cars with Boys, respectively. I know it's in there, and I look forward to her breakthrough performance, on the horizon. I've always thought she had it in her.
Anyway, so much for that. Time for a catty tangent:
Two Female Celebrities Whose Popularity Escapes Me:
Fergie--Okay, why are so many women holding her up as some sort of model of beauty? Has anyone not noticed that she looks like a freaking drag queen? I mean, I love drag queens, but um, when they're men approximating (and exaggerating) female standards of beauty. Not when it's a young woman filling her face so full of Botox is looks like it could burst and cultivating eyebrows that remind me of that episode of The Sopranos where A.J. crashed out at a party and his buddies shaved his off and drew on scary arches worthy of Divine. And how old is she, like 29? Jesus, I hate to see what she's going to look like at 40 (not that the world cares about anyone older than 30, anyway...grumble grumble).
I've only heard maybe 1-2 of her songs, and there's not much going on there. Here's my interpretation of her music:
"I'm so fucking hot and I'm so fucking hot and I'm so fucking hot you know you want to hit it."
Okay. Well, a.) Um, no, you're not; and b.) Um, no, I don't.
I'm sure millions of people disagree, but that's my assessment of Ms. Thang.
Sarah Silverman--She's grating, self-congratulatory, has an incredibly unpleasant, whiny, little-girl petulant attitude in interviews, and just because she says fuck and offends every race/religion/whathaveyou on the planet, she's held as some sort of comedy genius? Oh, and I forgot...she's not funny.
Having worked in comedy for a good number of years, I know what people find funny is relative. I respect that. But everyone goes on and on about how brilliant she is--and other than just being crass or sophomoric, I'm don't see that she has a lot else to offer. Oh, but I forgot...she's hot and Jewish. Uh, well, half of Hollywood is Jewish, but that don't mean they're all hot. I appreciate a good looking woman, will admit that she is if she is--but what's her appeal? Somebody explain to me why guys go so kooky for her.
I love to see women treading new ground in comedy--there aren't enough of us out there that have broken through--it's a goddamn boys' club, probably always will be. But I don't know if I want her to be the poster child for us funny girls. She's too in love with herself for me to feel comfortable with that.
And now, back to your regularly scheduled program. I've got to go shave off my eyebrows, inject my face with botulism and practice my poop jokes, all while jiggling in front of the mirror and thinking I'm the man (oops, I mean woman).
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Forcing the End.
Periodically on MySpace, I get a friend invite from some loser wanting to "hook up." I resist the desire to refer you to this guy's profile (it further fleshes out what a completely illiterate troglodyte he is), but I'll at least show you his introductory email:
really liked ure pics besides the obvious fact that u so purdy i can tell that u soo coo u got that wow factor now floor me by givin me a lil shout can i get witchya?? ya know bungee jumpin is like getting a blow job from ya gandma it might feel good but 4 godsakes dont look down ,lol
Charming.
By the way, he lists his influences as "mom dad jesus."
Humanity continues to slip even further into oblivion, at an exponential rate. We race toward the apocalypse in a flaming cart of hooligans, half-wits and herd-mentality drones.
Happy Sunday!
really liked ure pics besides the obvious fact that u so purdy i can tell that u soo coo u got that wow factor now floor me by givin me a lil shout can i get witchya?? ya know bungee jumpin is like getting a blow job from ya gandma it might feel good but 4 godsakes dont look down ,lol
Charming.
By the way, he lists his influences as "mom dad jesus."
Humanity continues to slip even further into oblivion, at an exponential rate. We race toward the apocalypse in a flaming cart of hooligans, half-wits and herd-mentality drones.
Happy Sunday!
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