I've been an official "returning adult" student for several weeks now, and as is my nature, I've made a lot of observations.
My primary assertion is that it's very fulfilling, in many ways. I got a taste of this when I picked up a few classes in early 2006, in Los Angeles--to get my feet wet again--to decide where my academic focus should lie. I was teetering between philosophy and anthropology; philosophy won (and not just because my instructor was cute). I found philosophy really plugged me in to where my mind and my search was taking me. I'd grown tired of the platitudes bandied about by the L.A. pseudo-enlightened; stuff that boiled down to trash. You know what? Maybe things aren't happening for a cosmic reason. I've followed my inner guides a million times, only to later find myself in the wake of yet another catastophe. It was seeming to me that such easy epithets were the fodder of people either blessed with dumb luck or from those not wanting to take responsibility for anything around them. And that's not to say I don't still feel or am no longer an irrational. I can still be trippy-dippy, find synchonicity in things...but while it's true I have an artist's heart, I have an analytical mind, always desiring to reach the truth of any query, endeavor or situation (all too often to the detriment of my aformentioned artist's heart).
I'm taking five philosophy classes this semester, yes, five. All of which compete for my mind space, but more often than not, link together in interesting ways. Some branches, such as metaphysics, tangle me in infinite loops of deconstruction, only to periodically become clear again. Today I see myself as a nominalist, tomorrow a realist. And that's just scratching the surface. I find great beauty in Plato's Allegory of the Cave (one of the first things I fell in love with in Intro), and my artist's heart also loves the realm of perfect Forms. It's a way of realizing my old religious leanings without having to subscribe to the whole Southern Baptist "God" concept. Bertrand Russell's ambition to revise metaphysics through Neutral Monism--while arguably unsuccessful--is nonetheless inspiring.
So much falling around me, like snow; I pick it up and hold it in my hand, it absorbs and becomes a part of me.
It is as if the hard drive of my mind is being defragmented and is preparing for reboot.
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There are some negatives, however. First of all, despite the stellar instruction I'm receiving at both institutions, I'm doing it in an town that limits me. Not just an "oh, there's nothing interesting to do on a Saturday night" sort of limitation--I can find worthwhile art and entertainment in Lexington if I look hard enough--but more of a "wow, all of this is so overwhelming I'd love to have a conversation with someone who will appreciate it" kind of feeling (not discounting my folks and my bro; they're great with these sorts of exchanges, but you know...I mean "in-the-moment" peers). Even more, I feel stifled by the feeling of being landlocked. Sometimes I just want to take my thoughts to the edge of the water and let them tumble along with the surf. Get that "oceanic feeling" Freud talked about, a term someone recently introduced me to when I was describing how I felt a sense of connectedness to everything when I was alone with my thoughts in nature. A marriage of analytic mind and emotional heart; that's all I've ever craved, anyway.
My pet negative is the ridiculous amount of clucks that clog up my classes, mostly at EKU. EKU has surprised me in a lot of ways; as mentioned above, the great instruction, small class sizes, friendlier bureaucracy, etc. But with an eastern Kentucky undergrad university that has always had the rep of being a "party school," it's inevitable that you're going to have a fair share of people who are attending only to get away from home. The worst offenders are in my English Lit class (I chose it as an elective, as I've considered Literature in the past also as a major). My god, these people are the biggest bunch of lackluster doofuses. The instructor, while a sweet lady, is lacking a bit in her oratory skills, but NONE of these idiots will offer anything to the discussion, unless their mouths are forcibly opened by her, anyway. Myself and another girl (ironically, also from Rockcastle County) are the only ones who contribute on a regular basis. One guy today (who is always late, sits there taking no notes and never cracks a book; looks like a reject from Blind Melon) actually said, "I don't know," when asked some simple question about our reading from The Iliad. If you don't fucking know, then fucking stay at home and sleep off your hangover. Stop taking up my valuable oxygen. Also today, the instructor had everyone read a line aloud from the text, and while I don't think this is the most productive way of communicating the material, I was appalled to hear the halting, mispronounced tripe that came out of people's mouths. It's true I can be a snob when it comes to reading and writing, because I'm quite good at both. But Jesus H. Christ! You people are in college--the word "poised" is not to be pronounced "poison!" I'm gonna have a heart attack here, so I'd better stop. No wait. One more: we had to write a simile about ourselves, and while mine wasn't showstopping, it was something like: "She was thorough and efficient, going about her business like an insect pollinating the flowers," it was at least, serviceable. I glance over at one of my "teammates'" (yes, we're broken down into teams, blecch) similes, and his was:
"I am as fun as a ball."
Enough said.
----
In sum:
School=good for Alexandra
Stupid people=bad for Alexandra
*Sigh* Some things just never change.
11 comments:
WOOOHOOOOOOO!! Blog from Alexandra! I do not claim to be good at a whole lot of anything except the random good photo that I manage to take, but your teammate's simile makes me wonder if all this "No Child Left Behind" education has in some way affected the current crop of students in college. Or maybe all the video games have rotted away any neurons that they had before going to college. Or maybe it is that they didn't read enough as I heard on NPR the other day that there are many connections that are made through reading and only through reading. Hmmmmm. Have fun being an adult student and I look forward to reading more of your insight.
P.S. Maybe you can find a way to make the late guy cornhole himself next time he comes in late. :p
Thanks for the response, Steven!
For those wondering, the cornhole comment is referring to a photo I posted on Flickr, regarding Kentucky's obsession with the game "Cornhole."
If I don't stop drinking scotch very soon, I'm going to end up as round as a ball!
At least I'm funny. Like the clap!
Oh, I just can't stop.
I was teetering between philosophy and anthropology;
Interesting, considering this my original split as well, back at the end of my UG days. The question you might want to ask yourself--the question I'm asking myself again, by the way, as I prepare to return to academia (and to some extent now follow in your footsteps) is: what are the common threads between those disciplines that make them both attractive? There are myriad answers to that question but that's not important; the question is, what is the answer for you?
Maybe things aren't happening for a cosmic reason. I've followed my inner guides a million times, only to later find myself in the wake of yet another catastophe. It was seeming to me that such easy epithets were the fodder of people either blessed with dumb luck or from those not wanting to take responsibility for anything around them.
Yeah, that stuff kind of drives me crazy sometimes, empowering though it might be to fool with the ideas occasionally. It's awfully hard to ignore a world full of people who are all suffering much more than I am, or to fail to wonder why the universe doesn't seem to be so interested in the "highest and best purpose" for them. Ultimately a lot of these "the universe cares about you" type constructs end up being forced to claim that the folks living in Darfur are there because of their past life sins or some other such dehumanizing, blame-the-victim bullshit. Plus it's just frigging vapid: for example, Oprah's attachment to The Secret and its idea that you can effect changes in your life by thinking good thoughts. Well, yeah: a good attitude is probably necessary (if not always demonstrably sufficient) to achieve much of anything beyond popping open a tall cool one and seeing what's happening on Wisteria Lane, but I would imagine the fact that Ms. W. is sitting on over a billion smackers means she can think up damn near anything and it'll happen.
I have an analytical mind, always desiring to reach the truth of any query, endeavor or situation (all too often to the detriment of my aformentioned artist's heart).
I call this threadpulling--you (by which I also mean me, or anyone else who can't resist peeking behind the wizard's curtain) just can't NOT pull that thread to see where it goes. In the process, some previously existing fabric may well become unwoven--but at least you'll know where that thread leads to...
I find great beauty in Plato's Allegory of the Cave (one of the first things I fell in love with in Intro), and my artist's heart also loves the realm of perfect Forms. It's a way of realizing my old religious leanings without having to subscribe to the whole Southern Baptist "God" concept.
True enough, but there are a number of other ways to get the same vibe running without having to buy all that problematic Platonistic baggage. Check out Spinoza's naturalistic conception of "God", for example, or you could take that approach all the way out to Paul Tillich--who essentially said (gross oversimplification, but close enough for a blog comment) that any notion of God that you can think up ain't a good description of Da Big Guy, because that would be making God finite in some way and Da Big Guy Don't Play Dat. Rather, he (it? that?) is the essence of being itself. Lest that sound still too Platonistic, note that it's drawing heavily on criticisms of Plato by the likes of Heidegger... and yes, he was an annoying Nazi twit (nice taste in mistresses though--tip your hat to Hannah Arendt), but there for a while it seemed like lots of folks left right and center were trying to find to way to taste that Form-y goodness without having to buy the cake. It will be interesting to see where you end up with that.
(Btw, have you ever considered going to divinity school and/or becoming some sort of priesty type person? First time I ever met the minister of the Unitarian church in Lexington back in '83, he was drinking a beer after some sort of anti-Contra political talk at an outreach center downtown, and managed to drop [shocking to my still-not-entirely-yet-defundamentalized ears] at least one "goddamn" into the conversation. There would be worse gigs than being a Unitarian minister in a place like Lexington--I mean, wouldya really rather be teaching 4/4s at Asshole Bend Community College somewhere in a state with two Republican Senators?)
Anyway, I've digressed, but it's late. More about the oceanic feeling, why your lit teacher keeps feeling compelled to do the "b a bay, b e bee, b i bicky-bye" routine, and the naive profundity of being as fun as a ball (hint: it has to do with the oceanic feeling) sometime later, by vox.
bro OUT
GPG: "She was round and funny, like Rosie O'Donnell with the clap."
:)
P.S. And you know you'd still be hot if you were round.
There are myriad answers to that question but that's not important; the question is, what is the answer for you?
Yes...still working on that. I'm fascinated by the human condition, the rigors, relations and rituals that drive us--but I find it progressively harder to operate in and with the world the older I get, so, as you said in a previous chat, "that's what leads us to philosophy." At least, that's what I think you said...additionally, I've come to a place in my life where I feel the need to more clearly define who I am; what I am; what is my moral code? And I don't mean that in the strictest sense of what people interpret as moral code...though I've always had these sorts of issues in my mind, I want to more fully realize them; want them to radiate out even more. NOT a substitute for religion, per se, but a re-invisioning of how I want to be in this world of seeming strangers, now that I've become even more like David Bowie in The Man Who Fell to Earth than I ever felt.
Ultimately a lot of these "the universe cares about you" type constructs end up being forced to claim that the folks living in Darfur are there because of their past life sins or some other such dehumanizing, blame-the-victim bullshit. Plus it's just frigging vapid: for example, Oprah's attachment to The Secret and its idea that you can effect changes in your life by thinking good thoughts.
Yup. Did you see that SNL sketch that tackled this very thing? It was one of those "funny but true moments." I saw The Secret, way back in January--a bootleg copy a friend had--and while there were occasional moments of "oh, yeah, that makes sense" kind of stuff when it came to talk on quantum physics from people like John Hagelin, the rest of it was materialistic clap-trap I was embarrassed to be watching.
you (by which I also mean me, or anyone else who can't resist peeking behind the wizard's curtain) just can't NOT pull that thread to see where it goes.
Yep. Sometimes I wish I were stupider, less inquisitive and willing to believe in the crap that everyone else seems to take for granted. No, I don't, actually. I'll take the shitty outcome first over a lifetime of being duped, only to reach the shitty outcome, anyway.
Check out Spinoza's naturalistic conception of "God", for example, or you could take that approach all the way out to Paul Tillich
Yeah, I've been meaning to check out Tillich for some time, and of course, Spinoza is inevitable in my studies. All will come in time. Not saying I'm married to the idea of the Forms (for one thing, if you apply it to the Polis, we artists are kind of controlled with a firm hand), but I think the idea of it is rather poetic. "Poetry! Inappropriate for the Polis!" ~Plato, as he writes a poem...
(Btw, have you ever considered going to divinity school and/or becoming some sort of priesty type person?
Well, we've sort of had this convo already, and while I wouldn't rule out eventually becoming some sort of figurehead to an organization who thinks about things and acts on them according to certain positive, progressive principles, I still bristle as the thought of serving as a "priesty-type thing." Guess it's those years at holy-roller Hazel Patch Church that still makes my hair stand on end. Or maybe all those attempts at creating art through directing, only to have dozens of little (less inspired) Iagos revolting and compromising the greater Good. These days, I operate by example; I'm tired of leading. I need to look out for myself first, then maybe, when I'm an old fart and no one wants to fuck me and/or fight me anymore, I can actually get them to listen to what I have to say. Drinking beer and saying "goddamn" will definitely be part of my M.O., though.
the naive profundity of being as fun as a ball
Yeah, you'll have to clue me in to that one, 'cause I've yet to find merit in it. :)
but I find it progressively harder to operate in and with the world the older I get, so, as you said in a previous chat, "that's what leads us to philosophy."
Naaah, I'm just in it for the chicks and the money.
"School = good for Alexandra"
Sure seems like it. Looks like your brain is running on all cylinders right now. I’d really like to respond, but I’m on my way to work. Great post.
Its nice to see that your doing well.
the bro: Yeah, that's certainly what looped me in.
neil: What, I wasn't firing on all cylinders, before?
;)
I have come to believe that our Universe is someone else's hobby--some computer geek that has never been laid, most likely. It would definitely answer the question as to why 'god' allows evil like earthquakes, plagues and war--because peace is boring. Anyway, I try to be as interesting as possible so that maybe I will be around for the sequel.
OOh, and I don't think video games are rotting brains--I don't sit around in dark rooms listening to repetitive dance music popping pills and trying to avoid men who want to harm me (at least not as much as I used to when I was a few years younger)...and I have played alot of Pacman.
BTW, it is gratifying to see someone from RCHS again AND from my own graduating class no less AND from someone who lived just a few short steps away from me in Mt. Vernon. I saw your blog last month, but have been out of the country for several weeks and just got back last week or I would have sent you a note sooner. We should definitley catch up--maybe after I do some laundry and get caught back up at work, I will plan a trip to sunny L.A. (Lexington Area) for a long weekend before it gets too cold. It seems our lives have *almost* crossed so many times since we graduated and are eerily similar. Talk to you again soon.
Hey, nice to hear from you!
Yes, I thought you were the Ken I remembered, although, as I recall, you went by your full name, back then. And I went by a different name altogether, so...
...life is funny how it continuously comes around full circle. Coming back to Kentucky has shoved that in my face with abandon, sometimes with positive results, sometimes not. But we can never deny who we are fundamentally, or where we came from, despite how deficient certain parts of that fundamental experience was. And our old hometown certainly has a healthy dose of deficiency.
Drop me a line when you come into town; we'll grab a martini and reminisce about all those lovely bus rides home with the smellies and the jerks.
Oh, and thanks for the "looking fabulous" comment on your blog; considering tomorrow is my birthday (I'll be a sexy 60, as you well know), it's good to have my ego boosted a little. :)
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