Triggered by GPG.

So, I was reading my friend's most recent entry on Exoterica, and it reminded me of a similar blog I posted some years back. I couldn't figure out how to link from here (i.e., too lazy to parse it out from the page), so I've pasted it below (incidentally, my blogs stretching all the way back to 1999 can be found starting here.)

Granted, my 2002 commentary was mostly in response to the bloody fallout of a failed marriage, but I think both GPG and I were/are aligned in wanting to toe the line in the sand--to declare what the hell we will and won't put up with--and there ain't a thing wrong with that.

I read back over it and wince a little, as the five years that have passed since posting it have included letting myself fall prey (yet again, dammit) to some of the types I so carefully outlined as anathema. Oh well. I did manage to have a couple of good relationships, though--one of 'em even lasting more than two years. Go, me.

I find my rant more humorous than anything now, but I will say not much has changed in what I will or won't put up with (at least, in theory). And, I guess I am looking for more of a relationship these days than just putting myself out there as a good-time Sally. But marriage? That one still makes me a bit nervous, but the concept no longer incites the lust for violence outlined below. I do add cowards to the list of baddies, however--thank you, GPG, for reminding me!

As a final note, I will say I've had a mad crush on Anthony Michael Hall for years, so if any of you have the hook up, lemme know. I'll give him a day (or even two) in court, even if he ultimately proved to be one of the evil ones below. It would be worth it, you know, for my autobiography.

February 14, 2002

Well, St. Valentine's Day is here, and my gift is a divorce. Kind of ironic, given the supposed romance of the holiday. I've certainly had several months to get over my permanent separation, but I guess the coincidence of the actual decree going through right before February 14 has released a new flood of bitterness in me.

I've always been a cynic when it comes to long-term relationships; hence, my extensive list of exes. Perhaps something overtook me in 1998 - some bizarre, hopeful, wifey-robot that thought "true love" did exist - that it could assuage all fears and conflicts in a relationship. Whatever created that surreal abnormality in me died a horrible death in September 2001.

I do believe in love; I've fallen in and out of it a number of times. But I'll be honest, after a burn as severe as this - I find it hard to believe I'll ever marry again. Sure, I'll be involved with others (maybe even seriously), but the next guy who gets down on his knee will probably get a boot in his face.

Harsh? Hell, yes. But the one time I felt secure enough to dip my toe into the stream of wedded bliss - a big ass piranha in a veil bit it right off.

I'm not saying "Beware all men - stay away from me." In fact, quite the opposite. You want someone to hang out with who won't pressure you to become The Mate? Then give me a call. Otherwise, keep 'yer rings and 'yer flowers and 'yer vows of everlasting love for the girl after me.

An addendum: I've thought a lot about all of my past relationships lately; musing on the hows and whys of each one's failure. Certainly, I pulled out of most of them early, because I felt pressured to get serious too quickly; but truthfully, sometimes I was simply bored. A few broke up with me, which always hurt my ego more than my heart. There are two men in particular I really regret unceremoniously dumping; I didn't give either one of them a chance. Why? Because they were, quite simply, great - and of course, I couldn't have that, now could I? (Incidentally, they both married the next girl they hooked up with after me. Weird, huh?)

I'm not sure where all of this is going, except to say that we so often choose against what is probably best for us. I often make excuses to myself for the "red flags" I see in someone, because I'm so ga-ga over them at that time. So, I've decided to make a declaration - one that asserts the kind of men I should not hook up with, although I have in the past, and will nonetheless be drawn to in the future, for whatever reason.

If you know me, and you see me consorting with a schlub who demonstrates any of the behavior/characteristics below - grab my shoulders, shake me, and tell me to review this entry - PRONTO!

Alexandra says NO MORE!

~~Emotional cripples
~~Sexual cripples
~~Men with Mommy issues
~~Competitive bastards
~~Jealous bastards (whether over ex-boyfriends, friends, achievements or career)
~~Know-it-alls
~~Men who want me primarily as a trophy, thus, I always have to look like a trophy
~~Secretly sexist bastards
~~Men in denial about their own idiosyncratic behavior
~~Men who are unwilling to say they are sorry
~~Crazy artist-types who turn into stalkers
~~Married (or heavily involved) men
~~Men who refuse to communicate their feelings
~~Possessive men
~~Men who promise me too much, too fast
~~Men with slovenly hygiene and tacky eating habits

Guess that means I won't be dating anytime soon, since I just about ruled out the entire male population. Oh well. Happy Valentine's Day!